I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
