it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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