So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
