Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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