My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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