i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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