On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
