Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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