I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
