What a fucking waste of an outfit
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
