I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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