Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Lo siento on account of my penis...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
