a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
