$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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