I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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