i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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