these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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