is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
