My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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