she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just had sex on a roof
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
