You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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