We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It's Friday. Sex?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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