There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
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And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
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if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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