Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
"it" just moved
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
