I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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