Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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