well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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