She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Too much gin, very little bucket
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
