your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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