so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
