I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
