SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
