Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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