So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
