She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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