Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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