I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
