im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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