I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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