I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
