today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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