i think my mom watched the whole time
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
