Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
