from now on my penis is your penis
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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