I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
