He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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