I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
