I hate your face
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
