I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
