"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
