My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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