It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
