So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I said "one day" and that day is not today
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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