you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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