The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
