Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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