I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize