wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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