I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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