if i died would you start the facebook group?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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