im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
