She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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