One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
