This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
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Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
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Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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