its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
