just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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