Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize