I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
