Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
