this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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