I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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