Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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