dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
