she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
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