you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
