I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
