wakey wakey hands off snakey
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
