smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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