she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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