1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
